It has been a tough week for me. Since finding out about my mom’s cancer I’ve struggled to focus at work and not be a depressed zombie. It’s clear that I was bothered by something enough so that a couple of coworkers asked me if I was OK, but in a sort of reflexive way. Instead of the standard, “¿Cómo estás?” it was more like “¿Estás bien?” It’s like the difference between nonchalantly asking, “How’re you?” versus “Are you okay?” By Friday I was starting to make some jokes again and trying to think positively.
I talked with a couple of friends who tried to cheer me up and think well, and it seems like slowly but surely the realization is that this is not the end of the road. While hearing “cancer” instills fear in all, it does not have to be associated with “death” as a pair like peanut butter and jelly. You can survive, and if caught early enough and proper treatment is taken, there is most certainly light at the end of the tunnel. As my friend Leo said, 30 years ago, that might have been it. But today they are able to do so much.
I still think the hardest thing about it for me is the distance. Without being able to see my family and get a real assessment of it all, not just through an hour phone call, it makes the pain much worse. The conversation doesn’t just end when we both hang up. For me it continues on and on, but without legitimate answers, only my irrational thoughts as the other speaker. Life goes on, however, and I still need to live my life here, which is what she wants.
Tomorrow I’ll be running in the Kappa 10k in Palermo, and I’m pretty sure it’s the exact same route that I can in the fall. I got my last training jog in this morning and will load up on carbs tonight. I’m down to my last few pesos, so I’ve just loaded up on pasta and will have to feast off of that for a few days until I get paid again. Checking Google Maps, I determined that I’d been running from my house to the MALBA museum and back easily, which is four kilometers. I generally hit my stride in the 6th and 7th kilometers of the road races, so if all goes well, I should finish without a problem, though not nearly as quickly as when I was training in the summer. The problem is the forecast–they are predicting rain, so I’ll most likely be sick Monday. We’ll see how it goes.